This Is (Not Actually) Fine.
Thoughts on complacency and how to beat it.
“There’s something I can be doing better.”
I’ve had this thought multiple times throughout my life— whether it’s working through another page of precalculus homework, or scrolling through my phone looking at webcomics, or even lying down in bed after a long day. I never really thought to change the way I was doing any of these things because it was just my routine, and I was always too busy to change anything, or there was just never enough time. Oh, the lies we tell ourselves…
Whether it’s because of the nature of the life I lead as a junior in high school or not (all of those AP classes and extracurriculars, not to mention the personal projects I work on!), those excuses were just sneaky ways to cover up the fact that I was living on autopilot.
I think this holds true for everyone. Everyone knows that there’s something they can be doing better in the back of their minds — there’s always room for improvement. As human beings we’re always striving for growth, and that can be a really great thing!
What limits most people from actually making that change and keep living on autopilot though? That would be complacency. Complacency is the little voice in your head that says “Well, things are really great the way they are now! Why should I bother changing it?” or makes up all of those excuses.
Complacency also means thinking too highly of yourself and your skills while not acknowledging your shortcomings, so that you don’t even think you need to get better: you’re already the bomb.
Sitting at home in your comfortable PJs, sipping a mug of hot cocoa — while ignoring the tax bills that are already two weeks overdue or the missed calls from your friends wondering why you’ve skipped brunch for the 3rd time this month? You guessed it, that’s complacency.
On my end, I’ve been trying for the past year to get better at improving myself in order to build better relationships with the people around me. Just a few hours ago, I realized that I got really angry at someone who I thought I was starting to be good friends deciding to work with someone else.
Those feelings made me realize that despite all of my efforts, I was still in the same place I was a year ago. Still mildly insecure to the point of wanting to run away from that relationship and any hope I had of making friends.
I realized I was satisfied with just trying and thinking about how to make myself better without actually taking action to do so. Once again, I was still living on autopilot, even when it came to my approach with relationships!
Whoa. What a reality check, right?
As they say, though, the first step to getting better is by acknowledging your shortcomings.
But then how can I actually act on these realizations?
Truth: If complacency is a mindset that makes you act a certain way, then acting in the near opposite manner beats complacency.
For me with my friend, I actively recognized and then internalized that my anger stemmed from my insecurity. I reminded myself that my friend was her own person that could do whatever she wanted. I chose to focus on the happiness I had for her figuring out who to work with for this important project.
The complacent mindset I had here was continuing to focus on the negative, but I switched that around by choosing to focus on the positives. The more I practice this 180° mindset, the better I’ll get at beating complacency.
I’ve also noticed that a lot of a generally complacent mindset stems from apathy about things going on in the world.
Sure, there’s a lot of messed up things happening in our world, especially now in 2020, and most of it is beyond our control. But even if there wasn’t a global pandemic going on, wouldn’t there always be things that weren’t in one’s direct control?
So then, doesn’t it mean that you don’t really have any surface-level excuses to be complacent?
This is where I’ve found it really helpful to practice Epictetus’ mindset of stoicism: even if I can’t control what’s going on around me or what happened in the past, I can control how I react to it.
Sometimes, it feels alienating to think that the best thing I can do is to focus on my own life over things that are going in the world. Even if I can’t go to Capitol Hill and lobby for change in areas like climate change that matter, I can do my own part by continuing to stay educated about those things and to educate others as well.
Looking back at the past is tricky. I frequently look back at past failures to pick them apart and figure out how I can be doing better for future endeavors. I always fall into the trap of connecting my emotions to those events. It’s at these moments that I wonder, “Well, I failed so miserably at this one thing, so I’m a complete failure and can never do anything right. So what’s the point of even trying?”,
Let me say that there is still a point in trying, and how!! Making the effort to separate the emotions from the objective reality makes all the difference. It’s not going to be easy, nor will it ever be easy. But it’s not supposed to be easy!
Nothing good has ever come without some amount of effort put into changing things, and that holds especially true for changing a mindset like complacency, one that’s so easy to fall into when you just don’t feel like doing the goshdarn thing!
Recognizing the intention behind doing what you’re doing makes it easier though: ultimately, you’re doing this for yourself.
And there’s nothing better than that.
Note: none of this is to say that you shouldn’t celebrate the small victories — in fact you should actively soak in the feelings of victory because humans are more likely to remember bad experiences than good ones — but the point is not to get a big head about it.
You ARE the bomb, but you definitely have room to grow — nobody’s perfect, and we can all be better!
Key Takeaways:
- Complacency is the ability one has to resist change and self-improvement
- If a mindset like complacency makes you act one way, you can beat it by using mindsets like stoicism or acting the complete opposite of that mindset.
- Ultimately, self-growth comes with the intention of wanting to get better for your own sake.
- You owe it to yourself to get better!
Thanks for reading this article about complacency! What’s one way you’re going to challenge yourself now? You can let me know on Linkedin or through my personal email: writetoapurva@gmail.com. Until next time!
